Let’s all talk about the pregnant elephant in the room. She feels bloated, she’s insecure, she’ll be extremely rude to her man at random intervals, and her hormones are making her crazy! Say hello to every pregnancy in popculture. At some point, writers everywhere decided that a particular pregnant woman must be the funniest thing ever since they all seem to write about the exact same one, and over the years it has become problematic. It’s not as if pregnancy can’t be funny (as it comes with a lot of inherently funny things like mood swings, being bloated like a balloon, and having insatiable cravings), but we have gotten to the point when the moment a woman in fiction says “I wanna have a baby/I-I’m pregnant” I groan in frustration. I do this because I’m in for some combination of certain things shown about pregnancy being exaggerated to the extreme that I’ve seen done a million times before.

1. The morning sickness phase where the pregnant woman vomits involuntarily during several hilariously inopportune times, because you know, vomiting is so funny.

2. The “Oh my God we’re gonna have a baby” phase where the pregnant lady doesn’t know whether to be elated or terrified at the prospect of raising a child. Perhaps it’s… both!?

3. The “ARGH MY HORMONES!” phase where the pregnant lady is just this unreasonable, loud, and obnoxious person pretty much all the time. Other members of the cast will often shrug and go “You know how it is, pregnant woman. AMIRITE?”

4. The mood swings phase where these women rapidly jump between hysterical anger and overwhelming sadness. Sometimes I just get up and leave when someone asks “why are you crying?” and the tear stained pregnant lady shrieks “I DON’T KNOW!”

5. The labour phase which will always begin with the sudden declaration that “My water broke” followed by everyone losing their minds and scurrying around like lost animals. The pregnant lady will kick, scream, and scratch at the hapless father; while also pulling and squeezing everything in her vicinity as tightly as possible. The other members of the cast will be more uncomfortable than they’ve ever been while they hang around awkwardly in the waiting room as screams of anguish can be heard from afar. Finally, when the baby gets popped out it’ll be “the most precious moment ever” and everyone will gather around it for babytalk.

NO MORE! I am sick of this god forsaken formula that has been used time after time. Can there just be one fictional pregnancy where the mother does not turn into a dinosaur? Or better yet, why not skip the pregnancy all together like Parks and Recreation wisely did for its 6th season finale? I’m not saying pregnant women are constantly calm and serene, but they are not all the same angry beast from hell. It fascinates me how the same damn storyline can be done over and over again across several different mediums. Someone should write a book on it.

Quote of the Day:

 Oh-no. Crazy hormones swing… WHY DOES EVERYTHING SMELL LIKE ONIONS!?

– Avery Jessup, 30 Rock