Undead – Laptopstein: The Machine That Refused To Die – The Untold Story – A Canadian Horror Story

Phoenix Person

Note: “Laptopstein” is the name of the engineer that created my laptop, my laptop should be referred to as Dr. Laptopstein’s Laptop.

The last update on my laptop was a joyous post of celebration. The one before, was a tragedy on the levels of King Lear and Oedipus Rex. Today, I give you an update that brings the status of my laptop in flux, that places its well being between my previous two updates. Between life and death, in the twilight of my triumph and ultimate despair. My laptop has died, but it continues to live. It is currently being torn apart at the seams, but I have found a way to suspend it in something of a stasis. By not closing it anymore, my laptop is no longer in a state of constant structural deterioration. But new problems arose before and after I finally made that decision.

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5 Things I Learned Making My First VLog

Having completed my first VLog about a week ago, I feel like a man whose gained a new understanding of himself and I’m finally ready to write about it. In the process I’ve discovered that VLogging is a lot harder than it looks, so to properly convey the experience of learning these things, here’s a list of reasons why that is:

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Reincarnated – Laptop Beyond: The Return of the Internet – Dawn of a New Era – The Saga Continues

Much like how Snoop Dogg reincarnated into Snoop Lion, my laptop begins anew in another vessel.

“Believe in the backside” (#ButtsWin)

– A quote that has absolutely nothing to do with what follows.

On June 26 2015, a landmark moment in history took place; one whose symbolic meaning and effect was just as significant as its practical application. Because of what transpired on that day, the entire world bore witness to pure evidence of a positive shift in our collective ideologies… I am of course referring to the purchasing of my brand new laptop. I knew people would be happy about what took place, delighted that they would be receiving more of my oft-revelatory blog posts about super important matters. My previous post on the subject of my laptop was one of tragedy. It chronicled the rise, the fall, the rising again, and the final fall of a machine that’s been by my side throughout most of my University life. When it died on me, it felt like the world was crashing, like I was experiencing the worst pain anyone has ever faced ever (an assumption that was proven correct one evening when my TV was facing difficulties). I’ve faced many trials, but don’t fret kids, for you see this story has a happy ending. I was given a false one when my laptop resurrected only to die soon after, but when I arrived at Future Shop with my credit card (a necessary component of the incantation) to perform a reincarnation ritual, my laptop was returned to me anew. Much like how Megatron became Galvatron, my Gateway laptop became a ‘DELL-somethingorother’.

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The End of an Era – The Death of a Laptop – The Fall of a Man – The Quickening

“A man who loses everything is capable of anything”

Law Abiding Citizen guy, I think he was in 300 too or something

You see that cryptic quote above? It’s something I often repeat to myself out loud whenever I just missed a bus that would take me home. That feeling of desolation… of being abandoned by fate is something I didn’t fully understand in those instances… not until recently that is. On May 8th, 2015, at 7:45 pm, my laptop died. It was just over three years old and was only one day away from retiring from the force when it was tragically shutdown from a broken recharger port. This laptop, encrusted with Cheetoh dust and dreams, which has endured so much before, was brought down by one obscure mechanical failure. This is a laptop whose ‘S, Q, W, Z, and X’ keys were functioning only selectively, this was a laptop that would freeze after any sudden movements, and this was laptop that was literally coming apart at whatever the laptop equivalent of seams are. The signs were all there, but I still feel absolutely gutted by its death. Especially since this is the second time that its died.

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It begins…

Hopefully the start of a very long journey has begun. If you know me, you’d be aware that I am bursting with thoughts and opinions to share, and today, I’ve finally created an outlet for them. The more I think about it, the more natural this all seems to me; that I would find myself here beginning my very own blog. I have a wide range of interest on trivial things, I spend way too much time thinking about them, and I’m just narcissistic enough to feel the need to express these thoughts to everyone. Now this blog… is not for the faint of heart. I will be delving into minute details about even the most precise of things. Be prepared to read a blog post down the road about the state of “X character’s” facial hair on a specific episode of some TV show. This is not to say this blog won’t be dealing with important and contemporary issues; yes, I’ll also be discussing relevant and timely things like why Ross’ attempting to hook-up with his cousin is the funniest scene in all of Friends even now.

If you’re all on board, strap in because you’re in for an interesting ride, and if not well, I’d imagine you will be living a life that is ever so slightly less fulfilling than it would have been otherwise. I’m going to go ahead and just assume everyone who chooses not to religiously follow this blog will be regretting that decision on their deathbeds. Their last thoughts will be something along the lines of “what WAS Kenny’s favourite episode of Spongebob…”. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find out in your next life.