I googled “Smug man face” for a picture to use in this article and got this photo of Martin Shkrehli

Coming out of blog retirement with a new kind of post. Today, I’m sharing with you some of my hottest takes. Sure I’ve shared one or two controversial opinions on this space before, but never have I made a post that is nothing but hot takes. Takes you may feel entitled to cancel me over. Takes that are so red hot that I wouldn’t blame you for doing so. I will definitely regret this post in the future! Let’s get to it then:

• Toy Story 4 sucked.
• I’m convinced that Idris Elba is more aesthetically pleasing than he is attractive or sexy. I genuinely believe that if it came down to it, most would rather hook up with Winston Duke.
• People didn’t care the correct amount about Notre Dame burning. It was a “that’s a shame level” disaster, not something worthy of tears or edgy “It’s good that it burned actually” takes.
• The Last Jedi was good and Rey was a bad character until Rian fixed her in that film.
• Donald Trump is a racist, scam artist, and likely a rapist… but there are times where he’s objectively funny. I’m sorry, but tweeting “BORING” in all caps during the Dem debate is objectively funny! He should definitely go to prison along with all his sycophants… but funny is funny.
• Kamala Harris is the most cynical politician in America.
• Elizabeth Warren would make a great President but would absolutely lose to Trump in a General Election because she’s a big nerd with an easy to exploit scandal. Trump would call her “Pocahontas” and stuff her in a gym locker and that’d be the end of it.
• Peter Dinklage was phoning it in as Tyrion between seasons 5 and 7.
• The Parks and Recs finale was a little too saccharine in retrospect.
• The Breaking Bad finale is the definition of a cowardly ‘shoot-for-a-passing-grade’ series finale.
• The word “cuck” is objectively funny.
• Cinnamon rolls should ideally be left out for two days and then warmed for 30 seconds before being eaten.
• I hate the phrase POC (people of colour). It flattens the experience of non-white people when different racial groups  face extremely different issues.
• Michael Jackson definitely molested those boys, but I still listen to his music and feel absolutely no guilt in doing so. Most of our best entertainers did disturbing and evil things in their lives! David Bowie hooked up with 14 year old groupies, the music industry is filled with predators. What are you gonna do, not listen to music? Come on.
• Michael Jordan and Mariah Carrey are supremely talented in their field, but are ultimately bad people and I feel like too many people don’t acknowledge this.
• White people shouldn’t be able to complain about “White people” as a group. Too many white women on twitter are like “Ugh, straight-white-men, amirite?” and it’s like… stop. Enough. You are literally the Spiderman pointing meme when you do that.
• Colin Kaepernick should be endlessly praised for the kneeling protest, but the flag shoes thing is dumb. Intellectualize it all you want, but The Betsy Ross flag isn’t a white supremacist symbol. It just isn’t. If I see someone with one of those flags hanging on their walls, I don’t think “racist”, I think “history nerd”. Black people don’t feel unsafe when we see that flag the way many of us do when we see a Confederate flag.
• The Good Place has been on a slow descent since the fourth episode of the second season. Gonna write an article about it one day.
• Vanilla Ice Cream is the only good flavour of ice cream.
• Before you tweet with the phrase “Y’all”, think very carefully about what you’re doing. Ask yourself, are you really a “Y’all” sort of person? Really? Be honest with yourself, search your heart, and make the correct call.
• I sincerely believe that all the world’s best athletes are doping. This is a tremendously obnoxious take that athletes despise, but I must live my truth in this post.
• If you seriously main Mr. Game and Watch in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate you have a truly corrupted and diseased soul. I don’t know what else to tell you, there’s just something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.
• “Pickle Rick” was a terrific episode of television, it’s not its fault fans of Rick and Morty largely suck (Bonus Hot take: season 3 was the best season).
• Amazing Spiderman 2 was better than Homecoming.
• Duncan Kane should have been related to Veronica on Veronica Mars! They tease us with an amazing soap-y twist and then back off last minute? No way, not fair!
• Real crime tv shows are rotting the brains of Gen X’ers all over North America.
• It’s never a sad occasion when someone in their 80s dies a peaceful death. I see a lot of people tweeting out “heartbreaking” that a famous person in their 80s died, but that’s the opposite of heartbreaking. That’s the greatest victory one could have in life, to live a full life, die peacefully, and have people that will remember you. There could be no greater death than that.
• It is true that a ton of male writers have absolutely no idea how to write women, but the same is somewhat true for female romance authors writing men and weirdly enough, the writers of Crazy Ex Girlfriend. There is no universe where Greg would want to date the girl that cheated on him twice and also slept with his Dad. There’s just no way.
• And I’m saving my most galaxy brain take for last, here goes: Eating dogs is as morally acceptable as eating pigs. Pigs are just as smart, and holding it against some Asian cultures that they eat dogs is small-minded and racist. Being against eating all animals is a principled stance, but if you think there’s a real moral difference between eating dogs and pigs, you are a hypocrite.

And there you go, perhaps there will be more hot takes in the future, but having just posted this, it feels good to be back blogging again.

Quote of the Day:

“SOMEBODY“

– You already know who this is attributed to.